3 Coping Strategies That Actually Make Social Anxiety Worse (2024)

Avoidance behaviors, in the context of social anxiety disorder (SAD), are things that people do or don't do to reduce anxiety about being in social situations. These behaviors are problematic because in the long run they only serve to increase fear. Avoidance behaviors can take three different forms: avoidance, escape or partial avoidance.

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Avoidance

True avoidance behaviors involve the complete avoidance of the feared social situation. For example, someone afraid of public speaking might:

  • Drop a class in which he has to give a speech
  • Change jobs to avoid giving presentations
  • Fail to show up for an event such as a wedding or awards ceremony in which he is expected to speak in front of others

Escape

When total avoidance is impossible, escape behaviors may be used as a means of dealing with feared situations. Escape involves leaving or escaping from a feared social or performance situation. Some examples of escape include

  • Leaving a gathering early
  • Walking out in the middle of a speech
  • Hiding in the restroom during a dinner party

Partial Avoidance

When neither avoidance nor escape is possible, partial avoidance (also known as safety behaviors) may be used to alleviate feelings of anxiety during social or performance situations. Safety behaviors generally limit or control your experience of a situation. Safety behaviors might include such things as

  • Avoiding eye contact
  • Reduced verbal communication
  • Lowering one's voice when speaking

Are You Using Safety Behaviors?

If safety behaviors have become a way of life for you, it might be hard to even be able to recognize if you are using them. They may have become habitual ways of behaving that now you don't even know what it would be like not to use them. If you continue to feel anxious in situations even after facing them many times, this is a clue that you might be using safety behaviors.

Notice situations that you face often but that still cause you anxiety—and then identify what you might be doing in those situations to avoid feeling anxious, such as talking fast, avoiding eye contact, or wearing plain clothes to avoid drawing attention to yourself. While not using safety behaviors will result in increased anxiety in the short term, over the long term, it will help you to overcome your anxiety.

Avoidance Maintains Anxiety

The problem with avoidance behaviors is that they maintain the symptoms of anxiety. The safety behaviors are often assigned value for "surviving" social anxiety, but then blame for the anxiety or awkwardness is still placed upon the self, perpetuating the cycle.

If you always avoid giving speeches, or if you only give speeches without making eye contact, your anxiety about giving a speech will never diminish.

These behaviors prevent you from gathering evidence that disproves your maladaptive beliefs about social situations. For example, if you always leave a party at the first sign of anxiety, you never have the chance to learn that if you stay long enough in the situation, your anxiety will eventually diminish.

Instead of avoiding giving speeches, or only delivering them in a "safe" way, you need exposure to giving speeches without avoiding, escaping or using safety behaviors.

  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) aims to identify avoidance behaviors and provide exposure to feared situations.
  • Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) teaches you how to lessen the impact of your anxious thoughts in perpetuating the cycle of panic and anxiety.

In fact, research has demonstrated that exposure treatment (one component of CBT) for social anxiety disorder will be less effective when a person is using safety behaviors. This suggests that reducing your use of safety behaviors when entering therapy may help to give you a better result.

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Five-Minute Solution

Are you looking for a quick way to reduce your avoidance? Draw on the principles of the therapies mentioned above. For example, you might do the following:

If you have an urge to hide in the bathroom at the next party you attend, promise yourself to go back out for at least five minute intervals before you return.

Gradually work your way up to longer periods of returning tothe party.

If you have thoughts such as the following:

Everyone must think I am awkward and boring

say something to yourself like

That is interesting, but it's just a thought. I don't have to let it bother me. That's just what my mind does when I am in these situations.

A Word From Verywell

While avoidance maintains anxiety, be careful to gradually moveinto exposure situations after a long period of using safety and avoidance. It's better to gradually work on reducing your use of these behaviors while increasing time spent in situations that cause you anxiety.

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3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. Telch MJ, Lancaster CL. Is there room for safety behaviors in exposure therapy for anxiety disorders? InExposure therapy 2012 (pp. 313-334). Springer, New York, NY.

  2. Marom S, Aderka IM, Hermesh H, Gilboa-schechtman E. Social phobia: maintenance models and main components of CBT. Isr J Psychiatry Relat Sci. 2009;46(4):264-8. PMID: 20635773

  3. Dalrymple KL, Herbert JD. Acceptance and commitment therapy for generalized social anxiety disorder: a pilot study. Behav Modif. 2007;31(5):543-68. doi:10.1177/0145445507302037

Additional Reading

  • Piccirillo ML, Taylor Dryman M, Heimberg RG. Safety Behaviors in Adults With Social Anxiety: Review and Future Directions. Behav Ther. 2016;47(5):675-687. doi:10.1016/j.beth.2015.11.005.

  • Antony, MM, Stein, MB. Oxford handbook of anxiety and related disorders. New York: Oxford University Press; 2008.
  • Hoffman, SG, Otto, MW. Cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder. Boca Raton, FL: CRC Press; 2008.
  • Markway, BG, Markway, GP. Painfully Shy. New York: St. Martin's Press; 2003.

3 Coping Strategies That Actually Make Social Anxiety Worse (1)

By Arlin Cuncic, MA
Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master's degree in clinical psychology.

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3 Coping Strategies That Actually Make Social Anxiety Worse (2024)

FAQs

What makes social anxiety worse? ›

Feeling pressured to interact in ways they don't feel ready for, being criticized or humiliated, or having other fears and worries can make social anxiety worse.

How can you cope with social anxiety? ›

Lifestyle and home remedies
  1. Learn stress-reduction skills.
  2. Get physical exercise or be physically active on a regular basis.
  3. Get enough sleep.
  4. Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet.
  5. Avoid alcohol.
  6. Limit or avoid caffeine.
  7. Participate in social situations by reaching out to people with whom you feel comfortable.
Jun 19, 2021

What actually causes social anxiety and how to overcome it? ›

Social anxiety disorder (social phobia) is a medical condition that causes fear and anxiety when you're around people in social situations. People with social anxiety fear being judged or watched by others. This disorder is treatable with talk therapy and medications such as antidepressants.

What are 3 possible in the moment coping strategies to use when feeling anxious? ›

But when anxiety gets overwhelming, coping skills can help you manage some anxiety in the moment. To cope with anxiety, try breathing and grounding exercises, taking a walk, or engaging in a distraction activity.

What is the number 1 cause of social anxiety? ›

It can be linked to a history of abuse, bullying, or teasing. Shy kids are also more likely to become socially anxious adults, as are children with overbearing or controlling parents. If you develop a health condition that draws attention to your appearance or voice, that could trigger social anxiety, too.

Why is my anxiety getting worse? ›

A big event or a buildup of smaller stressful life situations may trigger excessive anxiety — for example, a death in the family, work stress or ongoing worry about finances. Personality. People with certain personality types are more prone to anxiety disorders than others are.

What relieves social anxiety? ›

Different types of medication can be effective in treating this disorder, including: Antidepressants, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) Beta-blockers. Anti-anxiety medications, such as benzodiazepines.

How to overcome social anxiety and shyness? ›

  1. How to overcome social anxiety disorder tip 1: Challenge negative thoughts.
  2. Tip 2: Focus on others, not yourself.
  3. Tip 3: Learn to control your breathing.
  4. Tip 4: Face your fears.
  5. Tip 5: Make an effort to be more social.
  6. Tip 6: Adopt an anti-anxiety lifestyle.
  7. Social anxiety disorder treatment.
Feb 5, 2024

Does social anxiety get worse with age? ›

For some people it gets better as they get older. But for many people it does not go away on its own without treatment. It's important to get help if you are having symptoms. There are treatments that can help you manage it.

How can I stop social anxiety anymore? ›

Begin by understanding your triggers, those specific situations that make your heart race. Practice calming techniques like deep breathing exercises when you feel anxious. Gradually expose yourself to social situations, starting small and building up over time. If you're struggling, seek professional help.

How to stop anxious thoughts in 30 seconds? ›

Empty your mind, and try to keep it empty for about 30 seconds. If the upsetting thought comes back during that time, shout "Stop!" again. Instead of using a timer, you can tape-record yourself shouting "Stop!" at intervals of 3 minutes, 2 minutes, and 1 minute. Do the thought-stopping exercise.

What happens if anxiety is left untreated? ›

An anxiety disorder may lead to social isolation and clinical depression, and can impair a person's ability to work, study and do routine activities. It may also hurt relationships with friends, family and colleagues. It's common for depression and anxiety to happen at the same time.

What is the 3-3-3 rule for anxiety? ›

The 3-3-3 rule is a mindfulness technique that's simple enough for young children and it asks them to name three things they can see, identify three sounds they can hear, and move three different parts of their bodies.

What are 3 strategies for coping with feeling? ›

Try to do some other activities you enjoy. Talk to others. Talk with people you trust about your concerns and how you are feeling. Share your problems and how you are feeling and coping with a parent, friend, counselor, doctor, or pastor.

What are 3 healthy ways to cope with anxiety? ›

Now I look for natural ways to control the panic and anxiety, including meditation, exercise, breathing exercises, mindfulness and diet. It might help to make a note of what happens when you get anxious or have a panic attack.

What are the bad habits of social anxiety? ›

Find it difficult to make eye contact, be around people they don't know, or talk to people in social situations, even when they want to. Feel self-consciousness or fear that people will judge them negatively. Avoid places where there are other people.

How do I know if my social anxiety is severe? ›

find it difficult to do things when others are watching – you may feel like you're being watched and judged all the time. fear being criticised, avoid eye contact or have low self-esteem. often have symptoms like feeling sick, sweating, trembling or a pounding heartbeat (palpitations)

What are the stages of social anxiety? ›

For someone suffering with social anxiety, a forthcoming social event will present three different stages that the sufferer will experience psychologically - the anticipatory phase, exposure to the actual situation itself, and post-event processing.

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