9 little-known psychological tricks to outsmart a narcissist (2024)

Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be tricky terrain. It’s a dance of preserving your own sanity while not falling into their trap of manipulation.

The key lies in outsmarting them, using subtle psychological tricks that fly under their radar.

With these strategies, you’re not just defending yourself, but also turning the tables around. And the best part? They won’t even see it coming.

In this article, I’ll share these discreet tactics with you. These are tools for your toolkit, aids to help you maintain control and equilibrium.

Ready to take the upper hand?

Let’s dive in.

1) Establish your boundaries

Dealing with a narcissist can feel like a constant tug-of-war. And more often than not, you might find yourself at the losing end.

This is where the concept of boundary setting comes into play.

A narcissist thrives on control and power. They love to push your limits, hoping you’ll give in to their wants and needs. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Setting firm boundaries is a psychological trick that can help you regain control. It’s about defining what is acceptable behavior and what is not, and then sticking to it.

It’s like putting up a “No Trespassing” sign. The narcissist might not like it, but it can help steer their behavior in the right direction.

Remember, it’s not about being confrontational. It’s about protecting your mental and emotional wellbeing.

So next time a narcissist tries to push your boundaries, firmly but calmly remind them of your limits. It’s a subtle way of outsmarting them without causing a major conflict.

Consistency is key. Hold your ground, no matter how much they try to push.

2) Reflect, don’t absorb

In my own experience, one of the most effective ways to outsmart a narcissist is to reflect their behavior, rather than absorb it.

Let me share a personal story. I used to have a friend who was a classic narcissist. She would often belittle and criticize me. It felt as if she was trying to project her insecurities onto me.

I realized that I was continuously absorbing her negativity which was taking a toll on my own mental health. So, I decided to change my approach.

The next time she criticized me, instead of internalizing it, I reflected it back at her. I calmly said, “It seems like you’re having a tough day and you’re projecting your feelings onto me.”

It caught her off-guard. She wasn’t expecting this response and it made her pause and reconsider her behavior.

By doing this, I was able to maintain my self-esteem and not let her negativity affect me. It’s a subtle trick, but incredibly effective in maintaining your mental equilibrium in the face of narcissistic behavior.

3) Use the ‘grey rock’ method

One psychological trick that has gained traction in recent years for dealing with narcissists is the ‘grey rock’ method.

The premise is simple. If you become as dull and uninteresting as a grey rock, the narcissist loses interest in you. Narcissists crave attention and drama, and by denying them this, you can effectively neutralize their impact on your life.

The ‘grey rock’ method involves giving non-committal, short responses to their provocations. You’re not providing any emotional fuel for them to feed off of.

This strategy was first coined by a victim of narcissistic abuse who realized that by becoming emotionally unresponsive, she could avoid further mistreatment.

Although it might feel counterintuitive to make yourself seem dull and uninteresting, it’s a proven technique that can help you preserve your sanity when dealing with a narcissist.

4) Practice mindful observation

Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. However, one way to outsmart them is by practicing mindful observation.

Mindful observation means becoming an objective observer of their behavior, rather than getting emotionally tangled up in it. It’s about taking a step back and objectively analyzing their actions and words.

For instance, when a narcissist tries to provoke you or seeks attention, instead of reacting, observe their patterns. Note the triggers, the tactics they use, and their reaction when they don’t get what they want.

This form of detached observation can help you understand their behavior better, making it easier for you to predict and handle their future actions.

Plus, it prevents you from getting emotionally sucked into their drama, helping you maintain your peace and sanity.

5) Stay focused on your needs

In interactions with a narcissist, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs and desires. A narcissist tends to dominate conversations and situations, steering them in their favor.

Here’s where you need to outsmart them by staying focused on your own needs. Make sure your decisions are based on what’s best for you, not just what the narcissist wants.

For example, if a narcissist is trying to guilt you into doing something you don’t want to do, politely but firmly stand your ground. Express that you understand their perspective, but have to prioritize your own needs.

By doing this, you’re asserting your independence and showing the narcissist that they cannot manipulate you at their whim.

It’s not about being selfish; it’s about self-care and protection.

6) Practice self-compassion

Engaging with a narcissist can often leave you feeling drained and questioning your worth. This is why it’s essential to practice self-compassion.

Self-compassion is about being kind to yourself, acknowledging your feelings, and understanding that it’s okay to feel hurt or upset. It’s about reminding yourself that everyone makes mistakes and it’s part of being human.

When a narcissist tries to belittle you or make you feel inadequate, remind yourself of your worth. Affirm your strengths and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem.

Your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

By being compassionate towards yourself, you strengthen your emotional resilience and make it harder for a narcissist to manipulate you.

You’re not just surviving the relationship, but thriving despite it.

7) Seek supportive networks

I’ve found that one of the most essential strategies in dealing with a narcissist is to surround myself with a supportive network.

There was a time when I felt isolated and overwhelmed dealing with a narcissistic individual. I felt like I was drowning in negativity and self-doubt.

Then, I reached out to my friends and family, opening up about what I was going through. Their support was transformative. They provided me with a sense of perspective, reminding me that I wasn’t alone and that I had people who cared about me.

Having a strong support network can provide an emotional buffer against the negative effects of dealing with a narcissist. It can empower you, provide much-needed validation, and remind you of your worth.

Don’t hesitate to lean on your support network. Their strength can be your strength too.

8) Keep communication clear and concise

When interacting with a narcissist, it’s crucial to keep communication as clear and concise as possible. Narcissists are skilled at twisting words and creating confusion to suit their narrative.

By keeping your communication simple, you reduce the chances of your words being misinterpreted or manipulated. Be direct about your feelings and expectations, and avoid getting drawn into long, convoluted discussions where the narcissist might try to manipulate the narrative.

Remember, clear communication is not just about what you say, but also how you say it. Maintain a calm tone, even when the narcissist tries to provoke you.

This can help you stay in control of the conversation and prevent unnecessary conflict.

9) Remember, it’s not about you

Perhaps the most important thing to remember when dealing with a narcissist is that their behavior is not a reflection of you, but of themselves.

Narcissists project their own insecurities and failings onto others. Their need for control, their lack of empathy, and their constant craving for admiration stem from their own internal struggles.

So if a narcissist tries to belittle you, remember that it says more about them than it does about you. You are not at fault for their behavior. Don’t let their negativity define your self-worth or color your perception of yourself.

Hold onto this truth. It can be a powerful shield against the damaging effects of a narcissist’s behavior.

Final reflection: It’s about self-preservation

At the crux of it all, dealing with a narcissist is not a game of outsmarting or outmaneuvering them. It’s about self-preservation.

The strategies we’ve discussed are tools to protect your mental and emotional wellbeing in the face of narcissistic behavior. They’re about empowering you to maintain control, assert your boundaries, and safeguard your sense of self-worth.

Remember, dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, but you are not powerless. You have the ability to navigate these turbulent waters with resilience.

Whether it’s setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, or seeking support from others, each step you take is a testament to your strength and resilience.

So as you move forward, remember to be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can in a difficult situation. And that in itself is commendable.

Hold onto your truth, stay grounded in your worth, and remember – their behavior is not a reflection of you.