The Real Reason You Get Attached To Narcissists (2024)

Have you ever found yourself drawn to someone who exudes charm and confidence, only to later realize that they were a narcissist?

It’s a common experience, and understanding why it happens can be the first step towards breaking this toxic pattern.

In this blog, we’ll explore the psychology behind why people often get attached to narcissists and what you can do to break free from their grip.

The Magnetic Personality

Narcissists are often skilled at presenting a magnetic and alluring personality. They can be incredibly charming, confident, and even charismatic. This magnetic pull can be hard to resist, drawing you in without you even realizing it.

Imagine meeting someone who seems like the embodiment of confidence and charisma. They listen intently, compliment you genuinely, and make you feel like the center of their world. Sarah, for instance, met Mark, who appeared to be the perfect partner. He would surprise her with thoughtful gifts and shower her with affection, leaving her feeling cherished.

Love-Bombing and Validation

Narcissists are known for their "love-bombing" tactics, where they shower you with attention, compliments, and validation. This flood of positive reinforcement can be highly addictive, creating a sense of euphoria and attachment.

David experienced a whirlwind romance with Lisa, who constantly praised his talents and achievements. She made him feel like he was the most special person in the world. This intense validation left David craving more of her attention, making it incredibly difficult to let go.

Mirror, Mirror

One reason people become attached to narcissists is the feeling of seeing themselves reflected in the narcissist’s eyes. Narcissists often mirror your values, interests, and desires, making you feel like you’ve found your perfect match.

Alex met Rachel, who seemed to share all his interests and values. They both loved hiking, indie music, and volunteering at animal shelters. Alex couldn’t help but feel like they were soulmates, and this shared connection became the foundation of their relationship.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Narcissists are known for their unpredictable behavior, swinging from extreme charm to cold indifference. This emotional rollercoaster keeps you on your toes, making you crave the moments of affection and validation.

Emily’s relationship with Michael was an emotional rollercoaster. There were moments of intense love and affection, followed by periods of cold indifference. Each time Michael withdrew, Emily found herself yearning for the return of his love.

Low Self-Esteem and Vulnerability

Individuals with low self-esteem or unresolved emotional wounds are particularly susceptible to narcissistic attraction. Narcissists often prey on vulnerability, exploiting it to gain control and attachment.

John had struggled with self-esteem issues for years. When he met Maria, a narcissistic partner, she exploited his insecurities. She would manipulate him with silent treatment, making John feel even more vulnerable and desperate for her approval.

Fear of Abandonment

Narcissists can instill a fear of abandonment by intermittently withdrawing their affection. This fear can drive you to work harder to please them and keep the relationship intact.

Lucy, despite being highly successful in her career, had a deep-seated fear of abandonment due to childhood trauma. When she started dating Tom, he used this fear to his advantage, keeping her on edge by threatening to leave whenever they had disagreements.

Self-Reflection

Start by reflecting on your own needs, values, and self-worth. Recognize the patterns of attachment to narcissists and their impact on your well-being.

For example: Sarah, enamored by Mark’s charm, started neglecting her own needs. She felt unheard and overlooked. Alone, she asked, "Am I truly happy?" Realizing her worth, she began her journey to break free from narcissistic attachment.

Set Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries in your relationships, and be prepared to enforce them. This can help protect your emotional health from the manipulation of narcissists.

Take a cue from Sarah, who eventually set clear boundaries with Mark. She communicated her needs and expectations, refusing to tolerate his manipulative behavior. This empowered her to regain control of her life.

Seek Support

Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support. Talking about your experiences can provide clarity and emotional healing.

Learn from David, who reached out to friends and a therapist. Sharing his experiences allowed him to gain perspective and emotional healing. Don’t hesitate to lean on your support network during this journey.

Self-Care

Invest in self-care and self-love. Building your self-esteem and resilience can make you less susceptible to narcissistic manipulation.

Consider Alex, who focused on self-care by rediscovering his own passions and interests outside of the relationship. This helped him rebuild his self-esteem and regain his sense of self.

Understanding why you get attached to narcissists is the first step towards breaking free from this unhealthy pattern. Remember that you deserve healthy, loving relationships that nurture your well-being. By recognizing the signs and building your self-esteem, you can break free from the allure of narcissists and create a brighter future for yourself.